Job Hunting

So far i have been seriously looking for work since January. Before then i was keeping an eye out but not to the extent i am now.
My daughter was 3 when i was made redundant and, since my partner had left at that point, the situation was very difficult. Initially it wasn't too bad claiming income support while i sorted myself out, but then time drags on. My babe started full-time school and, whilst it is nice sometimes to have the day to yourself, the novelty soon wears off.

For the record, i am looking at full and part time positions because, although during school hours would be ideal , i understand that this isn't always possible. Luckily i have friends and family that would step in with regards to school so I'm not concerned with childcare. However, i won't do evenings or Saturdays. By the way, i am not being fussy, i just refuse to miss out on my daughter's entire young life. She is my only one i love her and i want to spend as much time with her as possible.
Obviously working late and at weekends works for some people , and I'm not criticising them, but it would make me miserable. I know full well that i wouldn't be able to handle it.
Anyway, i always get the local paper but there hasn't been anything i can apply for in months. Now that it is weekly instead of daily it is a waste of time to be honest.
There are several websites, that i have subscribed to, who email you suitable jobs based on your cv. Unfortunately, most of them are too far away to be suitable.
Every day i do an online job search where i go through various different websites such as the NHS. Following this i go on direct.gov. Most of the time i find at least 2 or 3 vacancies here that i can actually apply for.

Sadly the jobcentre is not great. We joke and call it the job(less)centre but this is the truth. Very rarely do i find anything at all on their search machines, and the fortnightly appointments are pointless. The whole building is like a soulless void of misery and despair! Dramatic but accurate. Coming out you feel like totally giving up!

Having suffered from depression in the past, it is really important i stay positive, which is becoming increasingly difficult. Every morning i feel hopeful that today is the day when my luck will change, then with every rejection some of my confidence disappears. It's almost as if a part of me dies every time i am told I'm not good enough.

There is no sense to it either. I have 11 GCSEs, 3 A-levels and did a degree. Since having my daughter I've completed home learning courses and gained IAB Level 2 in Book-keeping and Accounts. My friend and i learnt first aid for adults and children because it seemed like something that could be useful. My references are really good too.
Every position i apply for i know that i can do but clearly the employers don't agree! Even Asda have turned me down for goodness' sake!! You can only imagine how fed up i am of hearing that I'm over-qualified etc!

All i want is to support myself and my family and to actually do something with my life.

Thank God i have a beautiful little girl who makes it all worthwhile.

US Open 2011

How eventful was the US Open?!! As an avid tennis fan i am a regular viewer every year and cannot remember any other being so chaotic!

Right from the start the tournament was hampered by the weather. Hurricane Irene's impending arrival caused an almost complete shutdown of the city. This in turn led to an altered schedule and later start. Throughout the fortnight the rain played havoc with the matches and resulted in some players (i.e. Murray and Nadal) being faced with consecutive days play if they were to win the title.
To be honest, i am not the biggest fan of how the USTA pander to the media desire for Super Saturday, and the way they make the players wait due to tv ad breaks.  Whilst i understand their commercial interests , i also believe the players (and the sport itself) are more important. Really the tv channels etc should work around the players, not the other way around.

Anyhow, things did get to the point where mother nature was the dictating force behind when matches were going to be played this time.
Bad weather is not uncommon however, which reopened the debate regarding a retractable roof. Practically speaking, putting a roof on the Arthur Ashe stadium would be an astronomical feat. It's sheer size and the mechanics involved mean it isn't really a viable solution. This leads to suggestions of putting a roof on Armstrong or the grandstand. Unfortunately both actually need to be demolished and rebuilt entirely before this can be considered.

For those wondering why, it is useful to know that Flushing Meadows itself was swamp land. Therefore, the ground gradually sinks. This combined with the rising water table is an issue in itself. The perfect evidence of this was the occurrence during the Roddick match where water was literally coming up through and bubbling the paint. Cracks also appeared in the court surface, which the officials attempted to repair with gaffer tape!!
Needless to say, it was all a a bit of a farce and the USTA have not come up smelling of roses, to say the least. I mean, they could at least invest in court covers!

Amazingly, aside from all the drama we witnessed some exciting tennis. Djokovic, Nadal and Federer all went about their business in imperious fashion as usual. As a Murray fan, i stayed up until all hours to watch his matches and was treated to the accustomed 'rollercoaster'! Being 2-0 down against Robin Haase had everyone stressing and the sky commentators doubting whether he would win. These people have no faith, i wasn't worried at all.

A lot of people don't like Andy Murray but I'm not really sure why. Admittedly, he can come across as dull and grumpy but i've seen interviews, and read his autobiography, and he is actually very funny and nice. It is also clear to me that he is not given the credit he deserves. To be consistently in the top 4 for so long is a massive achievement especially when you consider the other 3! The ability he has is amazing and he definitely has the capability to win Grand Slams in the future. That said he is a bit mental! During his match with Nadal he was having full-on conversations with himself! I am used to his yelling when things aren't going well but, literally, from the first point he was chattering. That was incredibly bizarre.
He lost that semi but it was another good tournament for him.

The women's final was insane! Sam Stosur isn't an unknown by any means but i had no idea she could play like that. Serena Williams actually looked lost and had no answers at all. It was an outstanding performance by Stosur, sadly over-shadowed by controversy.
The bare bones of it is that Serena shouted 'come on' before the point had finished. Going by the rule book, that point is then awarded to her opponent. In this case it meant a break for Stosur. Williams then decided to have a rant at the umpire and said some awful things to her. I was appalled to be honest and so was very pleased that she didn't win. That sounds nasty but she was already on a suspended ban for abusing a line judge and refused to shake the umpire's hand!
Instead of imposing the ban, the USTA has issued a ridiculously small fine. Clearly there are different rules for her since she hasn't apologised or shown any remorse to justify the leniency.
All in all, the USTA looks like a joke and the US Open looked like an amateur event rather than a 'high tech' 'world leading' tournament.

How lucky for them then that the men's final was such a magnificent spectacle?! There really aren't the words to describe the level of tennis on display last night. It was, quite simply, the two best players on the planet playing out of this world! I love Nadal as a person and a player but the standard and quality of Djokovic right now is unbelievable.
He really is something else!

Urgh, Mondays

Today is a bit of a weird one. Thankfully it is no longer raining but the wind is absolutely brutal! We are told the UK is being hit by the tail end of Hurricane Katia, although for us the wind is nowhere near hurricane force. Normally the appearance of the sun cheers me up no end but this time it just isn't happening.

My neighbour kindly offered to take the kids to school on her way to work and pick them up later, which basically gives me a free day. So i've been presented with the opportunity to attack my list of jobs yet just can't get going!

So far, i have moped around and tidied a little and finally got around to using my dropbox. This increased my motivation slightly but the daily job search killed that off. It's always best to get that out of the way early so that i have plenty of time for the application process. No need of that today though as the search was completely fruitless.

Now i know i will be down for the rest of the day and i hate that. As a result it is lunchtime and i am still sat on the sofa in my pyjamas! Plus The Sugarbabes are miming on This Morning which is enough to depress anyone.

Today's stage of the Tour of Britain was something to look forward to but the weather has led to that being cancelled. The men's final of the US Open will be good later but i'll probably miss it while filling my role as family taxi driver. Plus Murray isn't in it either.

Sadly it is one of those days where i should have just stayed in bed. :(

Fishstock

When i was younger people would say that i wasn't a proper local because my family wasn't from around here. My grandparents, on my dad's side, moved from Gornal to Paignton and opened a B&B, then were joined by my uncle and his wife before they found their own place in Goodrington. Following several visits my grandad's sister and husband also moved down and bought a house in Kingskerswell.
My dad was playing football and my mom was at university in Derby at the time but once she had graduated they got married and moved to Brixham. Several conversions mean their 2 bed bungalow is now a 5 bedroomed house but they've never moved.
My older brother and myself were both born in Brixham Hospital before the maternity unit closed and apart from uni and a brief stint in Paignton i have always lived here. Therefore i would definitely say i am local!
Having grown up here though it's easy to ignore the various events that seem to draw in the tourists. For example, the Pirate Festival where people dress up and do enactments etc is no big thing anymore. When you've seen it all once why would you need to see it every year? Plus they have Pirate Thursdays so it has almost become normal to see them all wandering around town. However the streets are always full of visitors taking pictures and loving it!
The RNLI demonstrations are similar because i have seen it all a million times already but my daughter wanted to go so we trundled down to the Breakwater and sat in the rain to observe it all! There was an air display by the Wingwalkers beforehand though which i had never seen and that was actually rather impressive.
We are lucky enough to watch the Red Arrows twice a year at the Dartmouth and Torbay Regattas and i have to admit that seeing their displays never gets old. Sadly we missed out this year due to the tragic death of pilot John Egging and it didn't really feel like a proper summer after that.
It made me realise how many things we take for granted living here simply because they are part of every day life. Having a child though gives me the chance to rediscover some of these things and share in her excitement and enthusiasm.
So it was with the above in mind that i decided we would make our first appearance at Fishstock today. To be frank i struggled to think how this could possibly be entertaining but was determined to give it a shot. As you can imagine i was pleasantly surprised and we all had a good time.
Slytherin were opening the show in the music tent and were completely amazing. According to the other half, who watches them regularly in pubs around town, they had calmed things down alot due to the kids and older folk. They do rock, really loudly, but well and their versions of 'Build me up Buttercup' and 'Mamma Mia' should have been awful but turned out to be brilliant.
We had to stop at the seashore centre stand to make a flag involving glitter glue, paint and lots of mess then somehow i ended up carrying that around! I learnt that i don't like crab, goat curry is just bizarre and i tasted the best Devon Cream Tea I've ever had in my life! There was no point watching the cooking demos as i am the only one who eats fish and i know how i like it.
We had a good wander around a trawler which, to me, was very interesting apart from the annoying family following us who just kept moaning about the smell! News Flash - Fishing boats smell fishy, shock, horror! Father and daughter do not have sea-legs and were stumbling around like drunkards then nearly went overboard while trying to climb onto the Vigilance. It's one of the tall ships and is supposedly traditional and authentic but i spotted the car stereo and electric kettle!
We were tempted to partake of some alcoholic beverages and a pork with stuffing bap but ended up watching our little darling build up her arm muscles on the swingboats. Then it was time to visit Nanny.
All in all it was very entertaining and we will be going next year.
A special thank you to the strange woman dressed as a fish who gave our child 'magic sea dust'. I am now finding green glitter all over my house!
My new rule- A true Brixhamite can make fishing nets and splice rope (which i can do by the way)!!

Fencing?! Really?!

That half hour after i collect my babe from school is my favourite time of the day because all i have to do is listen to her commentary of the days events and try to keep up with her! My role throughout is to nod and make sounds of approval.
On the odd occasion though she will talk about something unrelated to who fell out with who or who picked their nose or who threw up during the day! These conversations are the most interesting. For example, the school does "Wild for Learning" which we have to send wellies in for but that was the extent of my knowledge. It turns out that they wander around the school learning about wildlife etc and doing outdoor activities like building campfires, using basic tools and learning some survival skills. They even drink hot chocolate and toast marshmallows!!

How much fun does that sound?!

Then there are the school "visits". Day trips to places like the zoo, the House of Marbles and to the beach which makes for some unique educational opportunities whilst taking advantage of our local assets. The kids love it obviously.
The most recent beach expedition was to do with their topic and 'miraculously' they discovered a message in a bottle from a little boy. They had to write a book about the boy's journey and how he got lost then us parents went up to the school to listen to the kids read them. Of course it had to be my child that had the boy going to the carnival in Rio de Janeiro and the mardi gras in New Orleans. Where does she learn these things?!

Her first residential trip was back in the spring and they spent 2 nights at Warren Barn in Cockington. The place is only about 20 minutes away but i didn't stay away from my parents when i was 8 so it was a big deal to us.
Naturally she had a fabulous time even going so far as to be pleased that she got to wash up and help serve dinner and that they all had to clean up before they left! They did woodland walks, built shelters, went canoeing and lots of other things. There was an incident with the marshmallows that resulted in a burnt finger but oddly she didn't seem bothered.
We missed her like crazy but i was admittedly relieved when she crashed out at home and went to sleep. Sheesh that girl can talk!

Anyway, what got me thinking about all this was the appearance of the school clubs list yesterday. There are just so many things they can do such as photography, radio broadcasting, canoe club to name a few. When i was at primary school you could do football or drama and that was the only choice!

We already trek to Paignton on Monday nights for gymnastics which isn't a part of the school but, of course, she wants to do more. So straight after school on Monday she'll be doing cheerleading; Wednesday morning I'll be dropping her off at 8am for gymnastics club; I've paid £15 for her to do tennis Wednesday lunchtimes; another £18 allows her to do FENCING (!!) on Thursdays at 8am and then Fridays after school she will be at Stagestruck drama club.

Honestly i did try to draw the line but i am astounded by the variety of activities that they have access to these days. How can i refuse to let her have a go if she really wants to because Lord knows she won't get those chances when she's older?!

Literally all i could say when she reamed off her list was "Fencing?! Really?!"

Why?!!

When i watch the news these days i am fairly confident that i will see or hear something awful because noone seems to report happy stories anymore. For this reason i tend to avoid it when my daughter is around. She will learn soon enough how horrendous life can be so i would rather she live in blissful ignorance right now. However it is impossible to shelter children from everything and lately i feel like i am fighting a losing battle.

The most recent incident was just this morning when i was doing her hair. Sky Sports News was on and the story about Mike Dye came up. In the hope that she hadn't noticed i turned over, unfortunately it was too late.
Despite being only 8, my little girl is, on the whole, very mature and luckily is intelligent to understand more than most other children her age. However, living where we do, she isn't exposed to crime and violence so became quite upset. Of course i attempted to explain that there are stupid people in the world who do horrible things, but to her "grown-ups" are to be respected and are supposed to be sensible. No matter how hard i tried she just could not get her head around why a person would hurt someone else like that.

Then she just started crying and needed lots of cuddles and soothing before she said " i don't want to go to football anymore mommy, then daddy won't die"! It broke my heart. Thankfully i calmed her down and convinced her that we will be safe there but the whole situation made me furious!

She is very dramatic but that's just her personality and in a way i am glad that she is compassionate rather than ambivalent. Recent events though have really challenged me as a parent.

Programmes on 9/11, the ice-hockey accident and the red arrows crash led to a debate about the safety of air travel or else we would have had problems if we ever wanted to fly abroad.

The riots created worries about our family members in various affected areas and numerous phone calls to prove that they were safe and well. Then i had to explain why she can't take things that aren't hers and has to respect and show consideration to people and property, yet the rioters were looting and leaving behind a trail of destruction!

Telling her that some people are just naughty and bad seems pathetic but even i don't understand the behaviour I've witnessed. I'm at a loss!!

WHY do people steal?
WHY do people kill?
WHY do people riot?
WHY don't the authorities stop the bad things from happening?

WHY doesn't my baby girl feel safe in her world anymore?

Daytime Tv Anyone?

Contrary to popular belief mum's who are unemployed don't just sit around watching trash all day! It makes me really mad that there is this widespread opinion that we all lounge on the sofa watching Jeremy Kyle and basically just doss around doing nothing.

If only my life was that easy!!

My daughter is incredibly messy and so every morning after she goes to school i have to tackle the carnage she has left in her wake! This is followed by my daily job searching routine and applications if i actually manage to find anything. You see, we're not all on benefits because we are lazy, some of us would love to be able to work!

Normally i do have the tv on when I'm pottering about because the house is way too quiet when you're home alone. But I'm not sat down in front of it the whole time. Someone has to do the laundry and cook dinner and pay the bills etc. In all honesty it is rare to get a free day where you can just stay in let alone sit and relax.

Personally i try really hard to keep busy to prevent boredom and from a mental stand point i need to feel like I've done something constructive during the school hours. That said, like everyone else, now and again i wake up in the morning and just feel rubbish. On these occasions i will sit with my blanket and a cup of tea and watch The Wright Stuff.

So sue me, I'm human!

Tarot

To be honest I'm not a huge believer in psychics and all that mystical hoodoo but for a giggle i had my cards read at a friend's yesterday. It wasn't a traditional Tarot card pack and only had 36 cards but the general principle is the same.

Basically you are supposed to shuffle the cards and get a 'feel' for them then pick 9 cards at random from anywhere in the pack. You then lay them out in 3 rows of 3. My friend went first and hers were amazing saying that she has a loving relationship and her finances will take an up-turn and quite literally symbolised her life is, or soon will be, almost perfect.

My choice of cards were far less impressive! Apparently there is someone in my life who is charming to my face but is actually completely false and also stealing something from me. It cannot be money because i never have any and the cards told me i have problems in that area anyway. Nothing like stating the obvious!! Oh and after that unappealing revelation i also need to be alert to deceit and sabotage!

I am also still suffering from long term grief which sounded ridiculous since i haven't lost anyone from my life in years. However my friend said that i talk about my nan a lot and i do still really miss her so it would make sense in that respect i suppose.
The only bright side of the whole arrangement was that my 'destiny' is positive so things should get better eventually and my personal life is happy and secure which is all that matters at the end of the day.

In conclusion, it was an interesting experience but not something i will put a whole lot of stock in.

My Saturday

So this is my first blog and i don't really know what I'm doing but here goes. Anyone who knows me is used to me rattling on about various sporting events because there really isn't much that i don't watch. It would take me forever to talk about every single one though so I've picked my trip to the football.

Saturday afternoon meant the visit of Macclesfield to Plainmoor which i was nervous about as our attacking options had taken a bit of a dent recently. Mark was off out with his friends for the day so it was just me and Emma going to the match.

Managing her pre-match enthusiasm is normally all i have to deal with but this week brought all new issues when the main road was closed, due to a freak accident involving power lines and cornfields! Of course this meant that i had no clue where i was going!! In a moment of panic i noticed that the man in front was wearing yellow and thought that maybe he was heading for Torquay too so i turned off and followed him.

Theoretically he could have been just driving home but i tailed him down roads i never knew existed and miraculously ended up where i wanted to be.

So we made it to the match in plenty of time and had the pleasure of witnessing a 3-0 Gulls victory. This was a huge relief as i would not have appreciated going through the trauma of getting there just to see them lose!

Getting home was just as difficult and time consuming but it didn't seem quite so bad after the fabulous performance from our team plus my baby made it into the matchday magazine which made her day.

In my opinion a Saturday just doesn't feel right without watching the football and coming home with no voice and aching arms.